I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
