dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize