All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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