Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize