Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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