Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My feet surprised me
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