Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My ass is underappreciated
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
