i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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