I think my fart just growled at me.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
