when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize