The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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