I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
