I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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