please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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