evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
