Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
why do cheetos always look like penises
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
