the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Floor bacon is actually really good
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