Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
