So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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