That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
