You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
