i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
