So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
