Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Too much gin, very little bucket
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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