god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
