Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
