We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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