Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
they're like a gay fantastic four
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
