Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
