well most of my day revolves around power hour
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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