Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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