I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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