do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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