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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
