I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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