well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
