All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
