I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
