Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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