hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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