mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
