i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
