You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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