i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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