he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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