i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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