I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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