Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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