yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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