I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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