My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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