get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Say something about gay babies.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
