also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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