can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
