He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
