Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
