last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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