At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
