I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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