i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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