I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
