Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.

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(229): View more from Georgia

New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.

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(619): View more from California

you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.

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(714): View more from California

I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.

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(914): View more from New York

I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.

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(314): View more from Missouri

For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.

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(850): View more from Florida

Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.

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(360): View more from Washington

Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?

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