I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
