why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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