I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
