I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
