I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize