i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I need moral support for this bender
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
