you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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