You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
