HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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