we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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