just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Bring me that man meat
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize