Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize