chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
