I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
