You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
