Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
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