Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
