Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
