I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Less talking, more tequila
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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