Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
