the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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