Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
