my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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