just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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