too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
