Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
